


don't text and duel kids

by Rulerofthecosmosandsnails



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Technology Exists, F/F, chatfic, i bullied myself into posting this sorry mother, ig
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26363422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rulerofthecosmosandsnails/pseuds/Rulerofthecosmosandsnails
Summary: Professor Rowan: How tall are you, Bill?smaugdeservedbetter: 160 cmbilliam wesley: Charlie im going to kick you in real life
Relationships: Player Character/Merula Snyde, Rowan Khanna/Penny Haywood
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	1. chad cursebreakers only

**Author's Note:**

> there's a distinct lack of chatfics in this tag and im remedying that
> 
> i sincerely apologize

**[chad cursebreakers only | 10:46 a.m. ]** ****

**Professor Rowan:** @kitkat Are you at the station yet? We need to board like. Right now.

**kitkat:** im coming through the pillar rn dw

**discount kumatora:** how r you texting us then

**kitkat:** im a witch tonks

**discount kumatora:** gotcha

**kitkat:** rowan where are you?

**Professor Rowan:** I’m by the entrance with the Weasleys. 

**[billiam wesley is online]**

**[smaugdeservedbetter is online]**

**billiam wesley:** by the big pile of trunks, kat!

**billiam wesley:** .

**billiam wesley:** who changed my name

**discount kumatora:** ;)c

**smaugdeservedbetter:** LMAO

**discount kumatora:** kat said it to me once

**billiam wesley:** what

**kitkat:** I WAS TIRED CUT ME SOME SLACK

**discount kumatora:** last year she looked at me in my own eyes after a study session the night before exams and asked me if “Billiam Wesley knew anything about the 1678 goblin rebellion” and i ascended to a higher plain of existence

**smaugdeservedbetter:** KFJSLKJL LMAOO

**billiam wesley:** .

**kitkat:** IM SO SOR RY BILL ;~;

**billiam wesley:** ur fine kat im not upset

**kitkat:** hnnn ty bill,,,

**discount kumatora:** massive big brother energy triumphs once again

**Professor Rowan:** As it always does.

**smaugdeservedbetter:** ive said it before and ill say it again. the proper grammar scares me

**Professor Rowan:** :)

**smaugdeservedbetter:** thanks rowan that’s going to haunt me 

**kitkat:** oh wait i see u!!!

**kitkat:** im waving at yall rn

**discount kumatora:** yall

**kitkat:** shut your mouth

**Professor Rowan:** Holy shit.

**kitkat:** ?

**Professor Rowan:** Kat how much did you grow?

**kitkat:** oh lmao

**kitkat:** im 172 cm now!!

**smaugdeservedbetter:** WHOA

**smaugdeservedbetter:** ur taller than bill,,

**billiam wesley:** she’s not.

**discount kumatora:** i could hear his sigh through the screen kfklfjal

**Professor Rowan:** I could hear it in real time.

**kitkat:** LMAO

**Professor Rowan:** How tall are you, Bill?

**smaugdeservedbetter:** 160 cm

**billiam wesley:** Charlie im going to kick you in real life

**smaugdeservedbetter:** JKFDJLDSL NOOO

**smaugdeservedbetter:** OW HE DID

**discount kumatora:** LMAOO

**billiam wesley:** anyways, im around 180 cm rowan!

**smaugdeservedbetter:** im 187 :)

**billiam wesley:** so you’ve told me. many times.

**discount kumatora:** u good rowan

**Professor Rowan:** Yeah. Just mourning the loss of my ‘tallest-friend’ status.

**kitkat:** ;3c

**kitkat:** oh wait has anyone seen penny ?

**Professor Rowan:** She already got us a compartment on the train. 

**Professor Rowan:** Because she’s not late.

**kitkat:** this is a personal attack

**smaugdeservedbetter:** why were you late kat?

**kitkat:** uh

**kitkat:** got held up in traffic

**Professor Rowan:** Translation: my aunt was getting chased by aurors again.

**kitkat:** PLEASE stop coming for my scalp

**discount kumatora:** what did your aunt even do anyways

**kitkat:** you know i asked once

**kitkat:** hazel just told me “crook things” and ranted a bit on how the ministry is a flawed system

**kitkat:** which she is right for the most part

**smaugdeservedbetter:** hey

**kitkat:** not about the whole ministry dw!! just how higher ups manage the way that magic is seen and how the court system’s run 

**kitkat:** ur dad is an absolute angel btw

**smaugdeservedbetter:** wait kat how’d you meet our dad

**kitkat:** last year when we left the station? he started talking to me about electrical sockets and wires while i was waiting for hazel

**Professor Rowan:** This is all well and informative, but please we gotta get on the train or else we are going to miss our entire year.

**discount kumatora:** weve all got brooms right? if we miss it we can just fly

**kitkat:** rowan doesn’t have a broom

**discount kumatora:** she can ride with you

**smaugdeservedbetter:** yikes i wouldn’t wish that on anybody

**kitkat:** this is BULLYING. i am being BULLIED

**discount kumatora:** kat how did you even get onto your quidditch team when you fly Like That

**smaugdeservedbetter:** one of life’s great mysteries

**kitkat:** 3:<

**Professor Rowan:** THE TRAIN IS GOING TO LEAVE IN A COUPLE MINUTES P L E A S E GET ON

**kitkat:** oh shit lets go then

**discount kumatora:** our bad rowan lmao

**smaugdeservedbetter:** yeah let’s go quick before mom makes percy sit with us

**billiam wesley:** yeah percy’s a bit of a prick

**discount kumatora:** i cannot believe that bill pours all his love into us and leaves nothing for his family

**billam wesley:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

\--

**kitkat:** PENNY

**sunshine:** KAT!!

**smaugdeservedbetter:** CHARLIE

**discount kumatora:** that’s ur name tho

**smaugdeservedbetter:** i felt left out

**Professor Rowan:** Penny did you have to nearly knock Kat over with a flying tackle-hug and block the hallway.

**sunshine:** im sorry rowan ill give one to you too ;0;/

**Professor Rowan:** Ohfdklsajdlsajflksa

**kitkat:** [eyes]

**Professor Rowan:** You put those away.

**discount kumatora:** [eyes]

**Professor Rowan:** Slander. I suppose I’ll just move to another compartment.

**kitkat:** NOO ROWAN COME BACK ILY

**Professor Rowan:** I love you too, Kat.

**kitkat:** :3!!!

**sunshine:** aw,,

**discount kumatora:** gross

**kitkat:** shut up 

**[Resident Gryffindor is online]**

**kitkat:** BEN

**sunshine:** hi ben!

**Professor Rowan:** Hello Ben.

**Resident Gryffindor:** hhi guys

**Resident Gryffindor:** I ccant find the compartment, which onne are you at?

**kitkat:** 5-A uwu

**Resident Gryffindor:** tthank you!

**smaugdeservedbetter:** wait why is ben’s name Resident Gryffindor

**kitkat:** wydm 

**smaugdeservedbetter:** theres more than one of us??

**kitkat:** oh my b lol

**kitkat:** that was a left over from when we didn’t have you or bill in chat

**kitkat:** bill never brought it up so we forgot ig

**discount kumatora:** you mean billiam

**kitkat:** ill invert your spleen

**Professor Rowan:** ANYWAYS

**Professor Rowan:** Should we think of a new name for Ben?

**Resident Gryffindor:** im fine wwith it!!

**sunshine:** let’s start brainstorming!

**discount kumatora:** nah no need ive already got one

**[Resident Gryffindor has been changed to vp of the anxiety squad]**

**vp of the anxiety squad:** oh

**sunshine:** TONKS

**discount kumatora:** what??? it works????

**billiam wesley:** Tonks.

**discount kumatora:** aw fuck bill’s disappointed in me i actually feel kinda bad now

**vp of the anxiety squad:** nno guys its fine!!! i wwas just a little shocked,,,,

**smaugdeservedbetter:** wait tonks

**discount kumatora:** yea?

**smaugdeservedbetter:** why is ben the vice president? he’s the only one in the squad

**discount kumatora:** kat’s president

**kitkat:** HUH

**kitkat:** LIES AND SLANDER

**discount kumatora:** didn’t snape raise his voice at you one time and you started crying

**kitkat:** WH

**kitkat:** HOWD YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT??

**discount kumatora:** snyde talked about it

**kitkat:** dammit merula

**billiam wesley:** “merula”?

**kitkat:** ANYWAYS

**kitkat:** im better now!

**discount kumatora:** you still cry when snape raises his voice at you

**kitkat:** not as much!

**sunshine:** heck yeah! I believe in u!

**kitkat:** THANKS PENNY UR A REAL ONE

**billiam wesley:** not to disrupt team bonding time, but I think I hear the trolley lady coming down 

**kitkat:** YES

**discount kumatora:** HELL YEAH

**smaugdeservedbetter:** WOOOOO

**Professor Rowan:** I think you three are the only people I’ve met who get this excited about food.

**kitkat:** i am a simple man of simple pleasures. i see food, i eat

**discount kumatora:** i just like sweets

**kitkat:** that too

**smaugdeservedbetter:** i can and will clear out the trolley of pumpkin pasties 

**billiam wesley:** you are going to fill up our compartment with wrappers again

**smaugdeservedbetter:** can’t you just vanish them?

**billiam wesley:** you got me there

**billiam wesley:** but ill only do it if you share

**vp of the anxiety squad:** ppersonally, i really like chocolate frogs!

**kitkat:** ben you are the most valid person in this compartment

**kitkat:** noah’s fence rowan

**Professor Rowan:** No, no, he deserves it.

**sunshine:** can someone get me a couple of chocolate cauldrons? My wallet’s in my trunk and its way in the back ;~;

**Professor Rowan:** I’ve got left over money from my birthday, so I can.

**sunshine:** thank you rowan ur the best!!

**kitkat:** [eyes]

**Professor Rowan:** Do that again and I’ll bring up Her.

**[kitkat has deleted (1) message(s)]**

**kitkat:** haha wow that’s really nice of you rowan you’re such a good friend :3

**sunshine:** her?

**sunshine:** KAT DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE????

**kitkat:** HAHA WOW LOOK THE TROLLEY LADY’S HERE LETS GET FOOD

**sunshine:** if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine! 

**sunshine:** but this isn’t over

**kitkat:** i feel so incredibly unsafe rn

\--

**[Ravenclaws | 21:23]**

**[kitkat is online]**

**[Professor Rowan is online]**

**[mr zonko herself is online]**

**[Style Wizard is online]**

**kitkat:** rowan,,, help me,,,,,

**kitkat:** I might not be able to make it,,,

**kitkat:** tell my friends,,, that I love them,,,,,,

**Professor Rowan:** Goddamnit Kat, you do this every year.

**Style Wizard:** what’s happening?

**Professor Rowan:** Every single year since first year, she eats herself into a food coma and oversleeps until she’s late for class.

**kitkat:** shame on you, bullying the ill

**Professor Rowan:** YOU DID THAT TO YOURSELF

**mr zonko herself:** F in the chat for Ekaterina Solokov, Chester’s not here to carry her to the dormitories anymore

**Style Wizard:** F

**Professor Rowan:** I will not give her the F since she willingly did this to herself and has been doing it for five years.

**kitkat:** :’(

**mr zonko herself:** oh by the way Rowan and Andre how is it being the new prefects?

**Style Wizard:** so far it’s okay! I’m not sure how I’m going to effectively balance prefect duties with quidditch and fashion, but I’ll manage

**Professor Rowan:** I’m leading the first years right now.

**Professor Rowan:** Kat is not helping.

**kitkat:** i am helping!! im making sure that no kids wander off!

**Professor Rowan:** By herding them like a sheepdog and making shooing noises at them?

**kitkat:** it’s effective!

**mr zonko herself:** to be honest im watching and it kinda is

**mr zonko herself:** i think theyre afraid of you now though

**Style Wizard:** just give me a minute to catch up, rowan! I was stuck behind the Slytherin first years

**Style Wizard:** oh btw, did you know that snyde is the slytherin prefect?

**kitkat:** she is?

**mr zonko herself:** wow it only took a solid second for a response huh

**kitkat:** up shut your fuck

**kitkat:** anyways ah fuck shes gonna take so many points away from me

**Professor Rowan:** I think if that you plead your case to the Head of House then you can revoke lost points.

**kitkat:** rowan i love you but i am not talking to snape any more than i have too

**Style Wizard:** I think if prefects abuse their power they are dismissed from the position? Im pretty sure she wouldn’t take unjust points because of that

**mr zonko herself:** yeah Merula’s pretty prideful lol. I don’t think that she’d do anything to squander her position like that

**kitkat:** she might make an exception for me tho lmao

**mr zonko herself:** oh you’d like that wouldn’t you?

**kitkat:** WH

**kitkat:** DFLKJFLKAJ????

**kitkat:** WHY WOULD I WILLINGLY WANT LOSE HOUSE POINTS??

**mr zonko herself:** oh, you know ;)

**kitkat:** IAM GOING TO B E D

**mr zonko herself:** it’s nine thirty??

**Professor Rowan:** Remember to take your potion!

**kitkat:** THANKS ROWAN

**kitkat:** GOODNIIGHT

**[kitkat is offline]**

**Professor Rowan:** Lmao. Good night, Kat.

**mr zonko herself:** putting a period after lmao is incredibly unsettling thank you rowan

**Professor Rowan:** You’re welcome.

**mr zonko herself:** fear

**Style Wizard:** tulip she’s going to kill you when you get into the dorms you know that, right?

**mr zonko herself:** that’s just the kind of sacrifice im willing to take

**Professor Rowan:** Andre, please help me wrangle the first years.

**Style Wizard:** I’m coming!

**[Style Wizard is offline]**

**[Professor Rowan is offline]**

**[mr zonko herself is offline]**

\--

 **Ismelda Murk:** so

**Ismelda Murk:** she got tall

**Snyde comments:** you shut your fucking mouth murk


	2. radioactive camp lemonade yellow

** [Potion ** ** s 501 ** ** GC |  ** ** 7 ** ** : ** ** 56 ** ** ] **

** [Liz Tuttle is online] **

** [Tulip Karasu is online] **

** [Rowan Khanna is online] **

** [ ** ** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** is online] **

** [Barnaby Lee is online] **

** [ ** ** Ismelda ** ** Murk is online] **

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** @Ekaterina  Solokov where the fuck  are you

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** @Ekaterina  Solokov

** Tulip Karasu: ** shes not online yet chill

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** she  fucking should be

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** :  ** class starts in 4 minutes and if  shes late again im going to kill her myself

** Rowan Khanna: ** Cut her some slack ,  Snyde .

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** i will not

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** i need a goddamn potions partner and id rather have her than work alone

** Tulip Karasu: ** [eyes]

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** :  ** you delete that right now you red haired motherfucker

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** @Ekaterina  Solokov HEY DUMB THOT WHERE ARE YOU

** [Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** is online] **

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** IM HERE  IM AWAKE  IM ALIVE IM NOT LATE

** Rowan Khanna: ** Congrats, Kat. You’re on time for the first day in five years.

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** i genuinely cannot tell if that’s sarcasm or not

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** :  ** that’s because you only have one brain cell now get over here

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** damn okay slandering me within the first minute glad  nothings changed

** Tulip Karasu: ** im sure you are

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** :  ** ????? tulip???

** Tulip Karasu: ** ;)

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** p l e a s e  don’t do this to me now

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** anyways  snyde why’d you @ me so many times

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** what part of i need a potions partner do you not understand

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** you could have???? moved to find another person????

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** :  ** or a group?  snape said we can work in groups of three???? Id thought u want to work with  barnaby and  ismelda

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** theyre not as easy to order around as you are

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** damn okay then

** Tulip Karasu: ** [eyes x2]

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** ill come over there and shove those lionfish spines down your throat  istg

** Tulip Karasu: ** @Rowan Khanna protect me

** Rowan Khanna:  ** What makes you think I’ll do that? You’d have better luck with Barnaby.

** Tulip Karasu: ** oh speaking of

** Tulip Karasu: ** @Barnaby Lee what is  ur wisdom for potions today

** Barnaby Lee: ** oh we’re still doing this?

** Barnaby Lee: ** uh

** Barnaby Lee: ** life could be worse. Milk could have pulp in it

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** what the fuck

** Rowan Khanna: ** I cannot believe I’m agreeing with  Merula .

** Liz Tuttle: ** Thanks I hate it

** Tulip Karasu: ** this is better than I could have even imagined

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** barnaby , you’re my friend and i love you very much, but yeah what the actual fuck made you say that

** Barnaby Lee: ** you asked for wisdom???

** Ismelda ** ** Murk: ** wow the atmosphere took a  180 good job  barnaby

** Barnaby Lee: ** thank you i try

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** please do not try in the future if you want to keep your head

** Barnaby Lee: ** yeah

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** yeah what??

** Barnaby Lee: ** B)

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** you know what im not even going to fucking try with this one. you have even less brain cells than  Solokov

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** which is quite a feat

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** is this just bully  kat week or something

** Tulip Karasu: ** every week is bully  kat week

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** :/

** Rowan Khanna: ** Guys, class is starting.

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** oh gb then lads

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** you sit next to me you  cant leave no matter how much I want you too

** [Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** is offline] **

** Tulip Karasu: ** guess she can lol

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** shut up

** [Tulip Karasu is offline] **

** [Rowan Khanna is offline] **

** [ ** ** Ismelda ** ** Murk is offline] **

** [ ** ** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** is offline] **

** Barnaby Lee: ** i mean my wisdom could have also been worse

** Barnaby Lee:  ** I could have also said that there are more nipples on this earth than people

** Liz Tuttle: ** Why are we on this earth? Just to  suffer?

** [Barnaby Lee is offline] **

** [Liz Tuttle is offline] **

\--

** [Potions 501 GC | 9:03 a.m.] **

** [ ** ** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** is online] **

** [Rowan Khanna is online] **

** [Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** is online] **

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** @Ekaterina  Solokov meet me in the fucking pit  ill kill you

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** its not??? my fault?????

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** YOU LITERALLY WERE JUST SUPPOSED TO BE STIRRING THE POT UNTIL IT TURNED ORANGE. NOT FUCKING CAMP LEMONADE YELLOW

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** MERULA DID YOU FORGET THAT IM COMPLETELY FUCKING COLORBLIND

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** YOU CAN STILL SEE SHADES OF GREY??? YOU CAN INFER?????

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** I LITERALLY C AN N OT I  BARELY KNOW WHAT YELLOW LOOKS LIKE???

** Rowan Khanna: ** I turn away for five minutes to help Liz with her potion. Five. Minutes.

** Rowan Khanna:  ** Also,  Snyde , it’s the first day. It was a practice potion. You two are going to be fine.

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** .

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** fine.

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** you’re not right, but im willing it let it go

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** thank you  snyde ; ~; im sorry i let it get too light

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** don’t fucking make those sad emoticons at me

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** and its fucking fine. it’s a practice potion.

** Rowan Khanna: ** Hmm?

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** khanna if you make that face at me again and ill kick your goddamn teeth in

** [Tulip Karasu is online] **

** Tulip Karasu: ** hey @Ekaterina  Solokov

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** ?

** Tulip Karasu: ** “ merula ”?

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** wh

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** FUCK MY B AD

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** :  ** HEAT OF THE MOMENT

** Tulip Karasu: ** im sure it was

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** IM GOIGN GOODBEY

** Tulip Karasu: ** goodbey to you too

** Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** : ** FUCK OFF

** [Ekaterina  ** ** Solokov ** ** is offline] **

** Tulip Karasu: ** hmm

** Tulip Karasu: ** @ Merula Snyde rather  quiet aren’t you?

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** your days are numbered  karasu

** Tulip Karasu: ** yeah of course they are.  Theyre dates.

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** UGH

** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** : ** YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

** [ ** ** Merula ** **** ** Snyde ** ** is offline] **

** Rowan Khanna: ** One of these days she’s  actually going to  duel you, you know that, right?

** Tulip Karasu: ** yeah

** Tulip Karasu: ** but I have it on good faith that that won’t be for a while lmao

** Rowan Khanna: ** If you say so.

** Rowan Khanna: ** You’re going to be late for your elective, by the way.

** Tulip Karasu: ** oh you’re right

** Tulip Karasu: ** adios

** [Tulip Karasu is offline] **

** [Rowan Khanna is offline] **

\--

** [chad  ** ** cursebreakers ** ** only |  ** ** 4:09 p.m.] **

** [himbo is online] **

** [Professor Rowan is online] **

** [discount  ** ** kumatora ** ** is online] **

** [sunshine is online] **

** [ ** ** kitkat ** ** is online] **

** discount  ** ** kumatora ** ** : ** alright lads.  whats the verdict on  rakepick

** sunshine: ** she’s certainly more competent than the other DADA teachers we’ve had before!

** Professor Rowan:  ** ^^ Yeah, it seems like we’ll  actually learn something this year , which is excitin g.

** himbo: ** she doesn’t seem particularly nice  tho

** kitkat ** ** : ** yeah she gives me a weird vibe

** Professor Rowan: ** You think every adult gives you a weird vibe, Kat.

** kitkat ** ** : ** i mean yeah

** kitkat ** ** : ** but her specifically

** Professor Rowan: ** That doesn’t mean I don’t agree with you, though.

** kitkat ** ** : ** thank u rowan  ur a real  one,,,

** sunshine: ** also she’s probably just not used to teaching!!

** sunshine: ** im sure that once she integrates herself into the school, her vibe will be better!

** kitkat ** ** : ** penny your optimism is the only thing keeping the morale up thank u

** sunshine: ** i try :)!!

** kitkat ** ** : ** so pure, so sweet

** discount  ** ** kumatora ** ** : ** hey what about my pranks

** [ ** ** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself is online] **

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** your pranks are shit

** discount  ** ** kumatora ** ** : ** HEY

** kitkat ** ** : ** damn that was

** kitkat ** ** : ** immediate

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** as soon as the word ‘prank’ is mentioned, I am summoned

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** anyways I stand by what I said

** discount  ** ** kumatora ** ** : ** literally the only pranks  ive seen you pull is rudimentary  dungbombs and stuff you can find at zonko's

** discount  ** ** kumatora ** ** : ** you’ve gotta have stealth, like me

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** im sorry i  cant morph my features into professor Snape,  dittokin

** kitkat ** ** : ** KDKLKLSKL????

** kitkat ** ** : ** DIT TOKIN

** [discount  ** ** kumatora’s ** ** name has been changed to  ** ** dittokin ** ** ] **

** dittokin ** ** : ** really feeling the love,  kat

** kitkat ** ** : ** ty i love all my friends

** himbo: ** wait what’s  dittokin

** kitkat ** ** : ** .

** kitkat ** ** : ** shit how do i explain this

** Professor Rowan: ** Barnaby, you know how Ditto is a Pokemon?

** himbo: ** yea

** Professor Rowan: ** Tulip is saying that Tonks is like a Ditto, hence the ‘kin’ on the end of the  Pokemon’s name.  Kinning is like an identity thing.

** himbo: ** gotcha

** himbo: ** thanks row an

** dittokin ** ** : ** truly,  where would we be without  you rowan

** kitkat ** ** : ** probably dead in a ditch somewhere lmao

** himbo: ** if its an identity thing, does that mean that im  slytherinkin ?

** dittokin ** ** : ** .

** kitkat ** ** : ** .

** Professor Rowan: ** I

** Professor Rowan: ** Yes.

** himbo: ** :-)

** dittokin ** ** : ** barnaby putting a nose on an emoticon is a sin

** himbo ** ** : ** : \--)

** dittokin ** ** : ** why this

** kitkat ** ** : ** im at my breaking point

** kitkat ** ** : ** i need to go find mittens st at

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** mittens?

** sunshine: ** oh is that your stray cat,  kat ?

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** lol. Kat’s cat.

** dittokin ** ** : ** ive literally only heard about mittens  i don’t  even  think  shes real

** kitkat ** ** : ** no  shes real!

** kitkat ** ** : ** she just doesn’t like people all that much

** kitkat ** ** : ** shes not very soft and  shes kinda mean but i love her 

** Professor Rowan: ** ‘Kind of mean’ is a stretch.

** Professor Rowan: ** She likes Kat and only Kat.

** Professor Rowan: ** And that’s only because Kat wore her down over a year and a half.

** Professor Rowan: ** I’m pretty sure she only tolerates her.

** kitkat ** ** : ** >:( no she loves me

** Professor Rowan: ** And I’m sure that those scratches are ‘love scratches’?

** kitkat ** ** : ** yeah  ur getting it

\--

** [ ** ** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself -> ** ** kitkat ** ** ] **

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** im starting to see how you have a thing for  merula

** kitkat ** ** : ** wh

** kitkat ** ** : ** I DONT????? WHAT DO U MEAN?????

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** ;)

** kitkat ** ** : ** I DON’T

** [ ** ** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself is offline] **

** kitkat ** ** : ** GET THE FUCK BACK HERE

** [ ** ** kitkat ** ** is offline] **

\--

** [Professor Rowan -> ** ** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself] **

** Professor Rowan: ** I’m assuming you’re the reason why Kat ran off.

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** fuck she’s  actually going to come find me?

** Professor Rowan: ** Looks like it.

** Professor Rowan: ** Good luck.

** [Professor Rowan is offline] **

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** ROWAN HELP ME

** [ ** ** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself is offline] **

\--

** [chad  ** ** cursebreakers ** ** only | 5:32] **

** [ ** ** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself is online] **

**[Professor Rowan is online]**

** Professor Rowan: ** You managed to get away? I’m surprised.

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** she found mittens first

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** **** ** herself: ** still sent a glaciate at me . my arm’s half frozen

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself:  ** but I did catch a glimpse of mittens

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself:  ** so she’s real

** Professor Rowan: ** I can’t say you didn’t see it coming.

** [sunshine is online] **

** [ ** ** smaugdeservedbetter ** ** is online] **

** smaugdeservedbetter ** ** :  ** sorry tulip, rowan is biased towards  kat on most matters

** Professor Rowan: ** I cannot deny that.

** sunshine: ** ‘most’?

** Professor Rowan: ** Her horrific creations that the house elves somehow allow her to make in the kitchen.

** smaugdeservedbetter ** ** : ** hey the grilled  charlie was pretty good

** Professor Rowan: ** It really wasn’t. You only like it because it has your name on it.

** dittokin ** ** : ** idk rowan

** dittokin ** ** : ** that hot dog rolled in a jelly pancake was pretty good

** Professor Rowan: ** Cretins, the lot of you.

** sunshine: ** :(

** Professor Rowan: ** Cretins, the most of you.

** sunshine: ** :)

** sunshine: ** oh also rowan

** Professor Rowan ** ** : ** ?

** sunshine: ** r you willing to help me with my  divinations homework? Trelawney assigned us a whole chart

** Professor Rowan: ** Sure. DM me the password and I’ll be there.

** dittokin ** ** : ** oh rowan while  youre here can you help me with it too? 

** Professor Rowan: ** I suppose I could.

** dittokin ** ** : ** fantastic

** smaugdeservedbetter ** ** : ** if anyone needs me for anything im at quidditch practice just holler at me and  ill come down

** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself: ** yeah im gonna go defrost. see ya

** [ ** ** mr ** **** ** zonko ** ** herself is offline] **

** [ ** ** smaugdeservedbetter ** ** is offline] **

** [ ** ** dittokin ** ** is offline] **

** [sunshine is offline] **

**** ** [Professor Rowan is offline] **

\--

** [chad  ** ** cursebreakers ** ** only | 23:46] **

** [ ** ** kitkat ** ** is online] **

** kitkat ** ** : ** does anyone here know how to download  minecraft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the beginning that merula/kat yelling scene was /very/ different lmao. i changed it bc i wanted to potentially save it for later.
> 
> also u know that stage in enemies to friends where you like each other but you still have a reputation? yeah.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on tumblr @hotgaytestsubject


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